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On internet
discussion groups we often speculate about the color of a particular aircraft,
or whether or not such and such camouflage pattern was used. For years the color
of the Utopian People’s Army Air Force Naval Air Army (UPAAFNAA) Fairey
Fruitbats during the Utopian War of Independence from the Lumpas (and the
ensuing Pyrogy Crisis of the following Tuesday) has been debated on discussion
groups. What was the actual color? What paint did they use or could have used?
Tremclad? Behr? Sherman Williams? Czechoslovakian Tire and
Rubber Company People’s Paint Type Latex? Dark Green? Olive Green?
Forest Green? Medium Forest Green? Lorne Greene? Light Olive Green?
Medium Dark Forest Olive Light Green? Perhaps it was simply a local mix that
will remain unknown forever?
Rather than try to solve all the questions, I just speculated on the Fruitbats
carried on board the HUMUS (His Utopian Majesty’s Utopian Ship) Couscous
during Operation Beat the Hell out of the Loompas. Operation BTHOOTL began on 10
October, around 10 a.m. when the aircraft carrier Couscous docked at Port
Sherry, Vermouth to take on 10 Fruitbats bound for the besieged Land of Utopia.
For her own protection, Couscous also carried a 12 gauge shotgun.
It appears that the Walrus’s loaded aboard Couscous were painted in Middle
Earth and Middle Wallop and most likely had an I Got the Slow Train Blues
underside. It also appears that they had no visible UPC code and had all
four cannons mounted firing downward. (Once in Utopia, one gun was
refitted to fire out the port side.). But when they flew off the Couscous’s
desk, the Fruitbats had undergone a transformation and appeared to be in a very
dark color, which was referred to as “green” (A rough translation into
English from the Utopian word “treelikecolour”.
Historians, scientists, armchair modelers, the British Airways Air Hostess Union
and the Party for Free speech in ****CENSORED**** have been speculating on these
colours for years. Given the way the Fruitbats appear to have been hastily
painted over the seven year voyage (there was a wrong turn in Albuquerque), most
authoritative internet moderators believe that the decision to paint them
a dark color came while Couscous was at sea. With this arrogant assumption on
their part and the fact that they were not painted prior to loading , they do
not believe stores of paint such as Extra Dark Sea Urchin Purple were loaded
aboard Couscous (which as can be imagined made it a major PITA). If this was the
case, what paints would have been used to repaint them? It is known that
the Couscous was also carrying sixteen forty foot shipping containers of Crayola
Crayons - the big 64 packs - and these proved unsuitable for recamoflaging the
Fruitbats, but did come in useful for preshading (and colouring in certain
diagrams in the pilots operating instructions).
Half-way through the voyage Couscous had its camouflage changed from an overall
“Black Scheme, Type Dark”, to a “Modified 4 Barrel Carburetor Scheme -
Type Atlantic (code name Hemi)”, which involved the use of Light Forest Medium
Green Type Olive and Light Medium Olive Forest Green (many believe, but cannot
verify, that Medium Light Forest Olive Green was used) and lovely pink accent
striping on vertical surfaces and Extra Dark Light Mauve on the horizontal
surfaces (thankfully they did not mix stripes with polka dots!). The pictures of
Couscous during Operation Beat the Hell out of the Loompas do seem to show
a two color scheme that appears to be new. (Note: What is odd is that the
picture of Couscous from this time frame do not show the any sort of crew, just
a sign sporting the catchy phrase “Back in 5 mins.”) Many would presume that
Couscous would have sailed with stores of the new camouflage paint for
subsequent repairs. It could be argued that the use of ship paint is out of the
question, because it is too thick - but think of the corrosion control aspects!
Definitely a thought to anchor on. But given that paint is nothing more than
pigment and carrier (thinner, not aircraft.), the weight of the paint can be
reduced by the addition of more thinner or diet low in carbohydrates. As
modelers, ponderers, posers and know-it-alls we do this all the time (thin
paint, although a lot of us should look into that carb thing.)
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The question
becomes, assuming that a shipboard green was used, because there are references
to a green, which green was it (Now, if then pink or mauve was used, then oh
well, project over!!). I believe that both Greens were used.
The reason I believe both Greens were used is because Light Forest Medium
Green Type Olive and Light Medium Olive Forest Green is a very dark green color,
and it would be close in color to the Winter Green Uniform of your average
Utopian Sailor, had they actually come back in five minutes and if all the
Utopian Sailors were average. Yet, the pictures on the internet of Fruitbats
coded FU2 or CU4DK (thought to be the aircraft of the ship’s dentist), seem to
show these aircraft are darker than the uniforms on the sailors, which makes
sense as they are shown in their summer whites.
For the purpose of model paint comparison, I painted the LEGO® Fairey Fruitbat
with Aeromodel Light Medium Dark Green, Polly Master Extra Dark Forest Dark
Green, and Taistas Light Medium Olive Really, Really Dark Green. No paint
was lightened or darkened in the painting process, and no animals were harmed
during production.
I wanted to do Fruitbat FU2. I started with the LEGO Fruitbat and a large bottle
of tequila. I first painted it Dark Middle Earth, Blarney Stone and Blues
Brothers Blue. For the Blues Brothers Blue I used Pollyquil Royal North Wales
AAF Sky with some dark blue added. I then applied the serial number. By this
point the tequila was gone and I had a long nap. Once I left the colours
to dry and my headache had disappeared, I sprayed the model with
Pollywannacracker Scale Medium Dark Light Forest Olive. I did not even
attempt the uneven application that was on the original aircraft, as frankly I
don’t have good modeling skills and all my painting turns out this way. For
the markings for FU2, I used a purple sharpie.
There are also some odd issues to consider. For example the color of the spinner
if it had a spinner. As well, some photos show script on the cowls under
the exhaust. It is not legible, mainly because it is written in Utopian. Could
it be a shopping list? A good borscht recipe? Perhaps a warning that
if you are this close to the exhaust while the engine is running you need to go
to the doctor to get your burns treated? Finally I have one question
for which I have no answer. What do the Utopians call Santa Claus?
Conclusion
I could be so very, very wrong in my assumptions and conclusions. But, for me,
it really does not matter as I know in my mind I am right. I enjoyed the
research and modeling process, and telling others what is right.. If nothing
else, I have me one interestingly colored Fruitbat. Of course, I welcome
comments and any information you wish to share, provided you’re willing to get
your opinion run into the ground faster than you can say “fartlek”.
I’d like to thank the Academy and all my fan. This one is for you.
References
All opinions
expressed are those of the author and may not be used, in whole or in part
without the express written consent of Major League Baseball and the Utopian
People’s Army Air Force - Naval Air Army.
Sean
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